JUST ANOTHER GOODBYE

Saying yet another goodbye

We said goodbye to another wonderful friend last night, over shots of Jack Daniels and it got me thinking.  The advantages of being an expat are numerous, but, like all lifestyles, there are drawbacks. A major drawback is the transient nature of many of the relationships we form. People are always coming and going from our lives. It's like, as soon as you get close to someone or build a bond, they are off on the next adventure in their expat life. To be honest I have been to more farewell parties here than any other kind of social event. Now, anyone that knows me knows I’m a sook and don’t do well at goodbyes.  That proves a challenge living here as not only is saying goodbye a constant fact of life, but also because the bonds here are formed at an accelerated pace so you're so much closer to the people you've known for only several months than you would be in the “real world”.

The first time one of the most amazing woman I had met here left it was terrible.  I was beyond emotional, I cried and sobbed as I stood in the shower (the only place for privacy with Princess Pants roaming the house) and thought I would never be able to stand another friend leaving. I vowed to myself that I'd only form relationships with people who were around for six months or longer. I soon realised that issuing such limitations would prevent me from encounters with truly remarkable people.  It was also a fairly ridiculous vow as expats never know when they are going to be uprooted and sent somewhere else on the whim of their company.


So how was I going to handle the leaving of so many incredible people from mylife?  Well I changed, or I should say, something within me changed. Somewhere along the way, my subconscious accepted that these situations would occur and I stopped seeing someone’s departure as a loss but looked upon it with a new perspective.  It may sound like I have become numb or cold, but I haven’t.   Of course, am sad when I lose a friend to the USA, Europe, another part of Asia, or Australia, but I no longer feel depressed about it. I'm almost completely unaffected. I spend time with my friend while they're still here, I attend their going away party, and when they leave I simply have to move on.

This lifestyle is actually an amazing test of bonds, whether they are real or just formed out of the convenience of being an expat. In the "real world" maintaining close relationships is much more difficult, and if my expat relationships can withstand that, I know that they were based on something more than just being thrown into this crazy lifestyle together. In friendships I have a habit of caring too much, of trying too hard, of getting too attached and all of these factors can result in my being disappointed and hurt. Taking on this new outlook has opened my eyes and been beneficial for me in how I approach my relationships with people, both abroad and in Sangata.

I attended a going away party one night and as the speeches were read and hugs given I realised that the guest of honour is probably someone I'll never see again. Yes, we may stay in touch with the odd Facebook message or comment, but apart from that I don't see the friendship transitioning into the “real world”. It made me realize that if I am so nonchalant about people's departures that I should just stop worrying and thinking about their time here so much. Not spend so much time and energy on caring about stupid things and just concentrate on the experience and person as a whole. If there is a future friendship past Sangata, then it'll be there regardless, and if there's not then why should I even care, I'll never see them again. I know sounds so cold and mean but it’s my reality these days.

As I said yet another farewell and hugged my friend goodbye last night I realised how much I have evolved and that saying goodbye is just another part of the expat experience that I've embraced and will take with me on my subsequent journeys.